see you in my dreams

睡午觉也能梦见他。
从没象这样勤劳的梦见过一个人。
几乎是每一天。每个梦。
多到我都没有办法一一记下。
i feel panic . so panic.
fear of losing you beneath my skin.

avril 的新专辑好听，听的我哗哗的直流眼泪。
something is just so real.
那不是表演，那不是做秀。
是心底最真实的呐喊声。
也是我最无法抗拒的声音。

hehe,i don't really want to update my journal today.but ...who knows.

去缠着陈，和他简简单单的只是在一起，什麽也不做，他上网，我歇着，就这样有一搭无一

搭的聊着。我从没想过事情可以这样容易，从没想过我可以就这样的走进办公室，就要他这样的收留我。也从没想过我可以像这样鼓足勇气，不逃跑。原来和喜欢的人在一起竟这样愉快。我什麽都不用想，什麽都不用打算，只是随着时间自然而然 。

我想当一个人真的找到自己爱的人，就自然而然的拥有去爱的勇气。头一次发现，我可能是找对人了，尽管it is so wrong.我觉得自己好像恋爱了，其实回到现实的感觉也不错，至少不只沉浸在自己的世界里虚无飘渺。
还是活人的感觉好！

他会说中文，只有一点点，但是，好可爱啊，哈哈！

他穿唐装的样子好滑稽，我大笑出声。
买了豆浆给他，他说谢。
我不在乎那麽多。给予的感觉竟然这麽棒！
vivi问我感觉怎样，我说看见他就愉快。真的！
去看ewan哥哥了，不说了。

missing you

有时觉得上帝真的是神奇的动物，他只是想让我明白什麽，然后就为我安排了一段生命旅程

。sometimes when you think things can't get any worse, it gets worse.but the GOD had never forget to open a window when he shut up a door .

told my bad mood to Mr.Chen,but get no response.is it worthy --to trust him,to give all i can,to let him made my mood up and down.i know he's not a volunteer to be there for me.i understand. but sometimes i just can't stop automatically require too much.i love him. for sure. but recently i have questioned myself,am i really love him? how can i say i love him when i don't even know him? it is tooooo weird.i am just get a crash on him.how can i be so sure that that is love.

someone is right:不要招惹别人的男人，除非你非常非常爱他，并且，他非常非常值得爱。i am sure about that.but the most important thing is i am not the one he loved.说到这里我就没了底气，我又拿什麽去爱呢。去爱别人是我能想到的最美的事，但如果没有回应也一样辛苦。

还是做朋友吧，想的太多，注定失望。
就像我现在错过的一天一天。

silly fool

i feel so sick.

i don't know why but just in the bad mood.
甚至连饭都没去和他一起吃。没人知道我有多盼望这个机会。但当他来时，当我已经握在手

里时，却又松开了。
i am regret it even though i don't want to say that.

从昨天起就情绪失控。我想要控制，想要命令自己愉快起来。威逼利诱都用了，但无一奏效。我都不知道自己怎摸了，也不知道怎麽办才好，我不想迷失，不想屈服，不想承认连自己的情绪都控制不住。

vivian说中午去约陈吃饭，我跑掉了，我有个借口，欣子会来。我等到陈，他问我吃饭，我又跑掉了，借口还是欣子会来。我一遍一遍的说服自己那就是欣子，但是我在清晰不过的知道今天不会怎样，今天和欣子在一起不会是“记忆中的完美一天”。我总是错过最美的东西，为了记忆中不成出现过的ideal,my utopia. but can never be true.

too bad.

in the campus,in the campus,where sun is always shinning, i am shiver in it all alone.

never again.

another day

another day? hehe, it seems so strange to write this title here. it is not "another day" and even not "today".
i thought it means the day we seprate from each other.then i have to have strenght to keep on going all by myself. but it is not now.
or another day with him? maybe yes. another day he is right by my side. another day just saw him ,talked with him ,make him laght and make me laght ,and missed him.
i don't wanna say goodbye.
i have to see him again.
when he came back from american,when he still in china,when i go abaord just to see him.
i think i have to write this feeling now ,or else i will miss it.and when the day really come i won't feel that middle of nowhere. i feel nervous even now . i am afraid to lose him even though i haven't really "have" him.

i can face the world without you show me around.

he gonna leave in 5 weeks.

又一个星期有chen的日子
过的好快啊，无论我是在斤斤计较，还是过的大手大脚
真的是越来越接近终点了

但是现在不想伤感
不想庸人自扰
把它抛的远远的，只记得现在的快乐

但但是也要面对现实 不能再活在想象里了
我是说 不要逃跑 不要疏离
所以我必须努力才能得到 必须先走出一步才会收获
我清楚的知道 我不想失去他 即使到了夏天以后 即使大洋彼岸
我会try my best to gain his friendship
也许这是我第一次学着付出 学着努力

（time for lunch ,later on ）

听着他喜欢听的歌
沉浸在一片没有颜色的白茫茫当中
不知道是音乐本身就美 还是因他而美
反复放着那首miracle
好像时间都停下来
一切都像是miracle
美的都那样的不真实

i want to hold you in my arm
i want to be with you

my dearest Chen

爱一个人
竟然整个世界都跟着明媚起来

loving you could be so easy
loving you could be so great

没什麽

换了一个layout，舒服多了。
果然一个看久了，再怎麽样也会腻。

这几天的假期过的好快，一眨眼，还没来得及再合上眼皮就过去了。
没有去哪里玩，但是见了几个朋友，很是愉快。

又要回学校了。。。。终于又要回学校了？
从什麽时候开始，回去学校也能让我这样激动了，chen~~~
明天就能看见他了，这几天没有他，居然我也活的自由自在。
好像也没有那麽难。

也许觉得容易，是因为他不曾离开，是因为我一直在思念。

you must be tired because you just running through my mind all day long.

your father must be a thief because he had stolen all the stars in the sky and put them in your eyes.

明天看见他，激动！